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Moving forward

Take control. Take your next step.

A space for people who are thinking of leaving their church or faith — or those on the way out. This is a place to figure out what that looks like for you, at your own pace, and on your own terms.
You're not alone — ~40 million have left in the past 25 years
Stepping forward on your own terms
01
What you're feeling is real · Trust yourself

Leaving is rarely one moment.

It’s a thousand small ones full of complicated thoughts and emotions. What you’re feeling is real and valid, even when it’s conflicting. Trust yourself. And be honest with yourself about what you want.

If you don’t know what that is yet, that’s okay. You can work on it at your own pace.

If you do know what you want, it’s okay to take the next step. Remember: You’re not alone, and you don’t have to do this alone. If you need support, you have the strength to ask for it.

02
Others have walked this path

You get to decide where this goes. Here's where it went for some others.

“I acknowledged that I didn't believe in God in February 2011. And I was still in the church club. I was still a boss in the church club. I didn't talk to Christine about this for several months. I didn't tell my family for four years. I didn't tell my church ever.”
— JG, FFOREST Substack
“It is as if there is a shelf where all your doubts and misgivings are placed... Eventually, the shelf gets heavier and heavier and finally just breaks, and you are ready to leave.”
— Madeleine Tobias & Janja Lalich, Captive Hearts, Captive Minds
03
People leave for a lot of reasons

Your reasons are real.

Many who move on share the same reasons. Here’s how they tend to cluster.

Stagnation

  • I’ve grown, my church stayed the same.
  • I’m not like other people here.
  • My reproductive rights are being stollen from me.

Trauma and hurt

  • I was hurt — or someone I love was.
  • The treatment of the LGBTQ community.

Hypocrisy and morals

  • We gave a free pass to our church’s scandal but not to others.
  • It got so political.
  • The teachings didn’t line up with my values.

Suffering

  • There’s no explanation why life is cruel and unfair.
  • Why is there so much suffering and conflict in the world?

This doesn't add up

  • What I learned about the world didn’t fit with what the church was saying.
  • The faith answers stopped being enough.
  • I learned about other people and their faith.

Loss of connection

  • My prayers weren’t answered.
  • I didn’t feel a divine presence.
  • I stopped believing.

There's language for what you're going through.

Naming it can make it feel less like something is wrong with you.
Cognitive dissonance
the mental discomfort of holding two beliefs that contradict each other — or acting against what you believe
Deconstruction
examining the beliefs you were handed, piece by piece, to see which ones still hold up for you
Deidentification
stepping away from a religious identity and no longer defining yourself by it
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A short list
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Next Steps

You don't have to have it all figured out. Start with what you want.

Say it plainly, even if only to yourself. “I’m ready to leave this church.” “I’m done with faith.” “I’m moving on.”

Then pick one next step and attach it to a moment — not “someday.”

When it comes to what you’ll say: you control the timing. “I’m working some things out” is a complete sentence. You don’t have to win the argument or explain yourself before you’re ready.

⚠ If leaving could put you at risk — financially, physically, or otherwise — you don’t have to do it alone. Get support · helpline: Recovering from Religion · 1-844-368-2848

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If you want to talk to someone

Here's three orgs to contact if you want to talk now.

How to recognize a healthy community

Wherever you land next, secular, spiritual, or somewhere in between, you get to hold it to a standard. Healthy communities share a few signs:
  • Your questions are welcome, even the hard ones.
  • You can show up without committing, and leave as easily as you came.
  • Money is handled in the open.
  • No one needs you to believe what your neighbor believes.
  • It adds to your life: more connection, more energy, more room to grow.
Ready to look? The Rebuilding page maps communities
07
Where to next